mistake…

Februari 25, 2008 :: at my home :: 12.01 am

i made a mistake…such a big mistake…a stupid mistake…i just feel grateful to have him to guide me to choose the right path…sometimes…when i was acted differently… when i turned to the dark side of me…he will be there to give me some light so that i can find the way out….actually there is inside me…a voice that telling me to do such a stupid thing…stupid thing that will hurt my feelings and others too…i just can’t handle it…am i being immature or what??? i dun know…the most part that i am afraid of is i feel that someone else is living inside me, control my soul and thought….who is that person??? trying to ruin my life…to take in charge my whole life…i hate this person…i am not telling that i have multiple personality disorder…i am not suffered with that kind of problem…may be we call it as the devil inside us…the negative side of ourselves that we do not realize whenever it comes out from within us…

sometimes we are trying our best to fight it…fight it very hard from comes out to control us…or sometimes we fight it from comes into our body and soul..we tried so hard and sometimes we failed…not because we are too weak but because at that time we didn’t know how to distinguish whether it is the bad or good things…we realize it in the matter of time but that time ,it is too late for us to turn back time to the past to make it right…

well…well…may be we have to learn that life is not that so easy to handle …BUT …we can make our life become so meaningful by realizing that we live with other people around us…people who we love so much…and we are not alone in this world…so…whenever the dark side of ourselves wants to come out from inside us…tell to ourselves that "u have to make choices…and you better make the right decision… you can choose to become a good person or you can choose to become a bad person…a good person who can make others happy,pleasant with your attitude and make people love u…or a bad person who can make people hate u and never forgive u when u done something really bad to others…" and after that try to think which one u want to choose…??? this is the decision that will change your whole life at once….

people will tell that there is always a second chance when we had made mistake…ok…it’s true…but how if the 1st mistake that you have done really give bad impact to others’ life…???? some examples….1)a killer kills an innocent  person …2)a man rape a girl…3)a  daughter/son  hurts  her/his mother’s feeling…4) a good friend betrays  his/his own friend….5)a husband having an affair with other woman…bla bla bla….so how…? yes..people will give you the second chance to change…to repay your sin…to repent…but how about the bad impact that will not be forgotten that leave deep inside us…??? no matter how you have changed and become a different person…it won’t help others to feel better…

huh…too much writing nonsense here…i have been dragging of the story of making a big mistake…so…after this…i must have a second thought whenever i want to make a decision…although i fail all the time…i just have to keep telling myself to make the right choice/decision that will not hurt my feelings and others too… especially to him…

thank you so much sayang for always being there when i need you and for showing me your hands and pull me from the darkness…you were my voice when i couldn’t speak, u were my eyes when i couldn’t see and u were my strength when i was weak…

till now..

-mar-

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